Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize