I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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