If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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