Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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