So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
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this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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