Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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