oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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