Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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