do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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