i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize