Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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