I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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