Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize