I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize