i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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