I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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