did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize