I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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