lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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