24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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