Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize