you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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