if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize