theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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