I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
420 ftw
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
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