I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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