don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize