let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
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I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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