when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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