I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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