Where is the hickey?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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