the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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