I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
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BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I had to cum in my sink.
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