She said her name was "party"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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