oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize