If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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