strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
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Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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