Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
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I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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