don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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