dude i'm inner monologue high
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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