Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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