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I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
are you so shy because you have an std?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
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