this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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