Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize