when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize