How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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