if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize