You smell like stripper and shame
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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