I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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