Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
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smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize